by Richard Edler, from The Compassionate Friends
January 11, 2002… Ten Years? Sometime it seems like yesterday. Sometimes it seems like it never happened. Most of the time, it is somewhere in between. It has been 10 years today since Mark died.
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Judith Harrington, Ph.D.
Approved Trainer for the American Association of Suicidology
State Suicide Prevention Task Force Coordinator
When I was a child, I learned from a radio report that my mother’s cousin and her husband died in a murder-suicide. I was with my mother as she heard this news for the first time. Many years later, the seeds of that experience, in part, grew into my becoming the Bereavement Coordinator for The Crisis Center in Birmingham. The last nine years or so I have heard close to three hundred persons’ stories about the loss of their loved one to suicide. These parents, sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, partners, and adult children have left me with much to ponder, but mostly to be inspired to work towards the prevention of suicide. Suicide is a preventable death and can be made so by improved public education, recognition of and taking seriously the warning signs, and a linking of arms between the families, community resources, and medical and mental health professionals so as to create a safety net for those at risk.
Many people believe that suicide is a choice…that someone “commits” suicide. More recent literature from the field of suicidology promotes the idea that suicide seems unavoidable to the at-risk person due to excruciating psychological pain, hopelessness, a belief that nothing would help, and co-occurring conditions such as clinical depression, bipolar disorder, perfectionism, and so on. These variables create a psychiatric emergency. Like other medical emergencies, suicide is not something that should be morally condemned. We tend to not condemn a person who is having a heart attack; rather we call on our tried and true public health response called CPR. There is even an equivalent to this model in the form of QPR developed by Dr. Paul Quinnett, who trains thousands of persons a year to Question, Persuade and Refer. His is one of many models for prevention and intervention.
Not only is the reaction to suicidal risk at the preventative stage complicated by the general public’s misinformation or tendency to moralize suicide, and therefore potentially miss opportunities to intervene, but also the “postventive” stage is riddled with awkwardness and uncharted norms for how to be helpful to the bereft who have lost a loved one to this terrible tragedy.
Recently I asked some survivors to consider responding to the following questions: (A survivor is a family member or friend who has lost a loved one to suicide, as contrasted with an attempter, who has attempted and survived a suicide attempt.) Continue Reading »
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In Comfort, Ann Hood writes her memoir and takes you through her own grief journey, which began on April 18, 2002, when her five year old daughter, Grace, died suddenly from a virulent form of strep. Book to be released May 2008.
Join Ann at The Amelia Center on May 27th @ 5:30p.m.
RSVP to Stephanie.Elson@chsys.org
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A BEAUTY BLESSING
John O’Donohue
As stillness in stone to silence is wed
May your heart be somewhere a God might dwell.
As a river flows in ideal sequence
May your soul discover time is presence.
As the moon absolves the dark of distance
May thought-light console your mind with brightness.
As the breath of light awakens colour
May the dawn anoint your eyes with wonder.
As spring rain softens the earth with surprise
May your winter places be kissed by light.
As the ocean dreams to the joy of dance
May the grace of change bring you elegance.
As clay anchors a tree in light and wind
May your outer life grow from peace within.
As twilight fills night with bright horizons
May Beauty await you at home beyond.
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Tears To Hope Breakfast Invitation 2008
Join us for an hour of inspiration and hope at the 4th annual
Tears to Hope Breakfast
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Children’s Hospital
Bradley Lecture Center
Breakfast begins at 8:00a.m.
Program begins at 8:30 a.m.
The breakfast is complimentary, however you will need tickets.
For tickets, please RSVP to Patricia Murphree
(205) 251-3430
Patricia.Murphree@chsys.org
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Douglas LaBier, of The Washington Post has written a great article on “empathy” and the apparent lack of it in our society. It is definitely worth a read.
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by Stephanie Elson
I recently read a message in fortune cookies, which I liked a lot. This message read “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.”
Winter is always the dark season of the year. The days grow shorter and night begins in the afternoon. It is a time associated with staying close to home. Seasonally, this dark season is tempered by building a cozy fire, lighting candles and decorating homes with miniature holiday lights. Constantly, people are looking for the light to drive out the dreary darkness.
Grief is a time of emotional darkness. Daily, I encounter people who are struggling with darkness in their own lives due to death of a loved one. Many bereaved fear being consumed by the force of their grief, and worry there will never be light in their lives again. One of the many challenges what come with grief is to seek out and find those things that reconnect you with life and cast out the darkness that comes with loss.
I hope that in this holiday season, you will be able to connect with joyful memories of the life of your loved one and hopefully ease some of the darkness of your own grief journey.
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