A Father Speaks

From Bereaved Parents of North Texas Website

Driving to work with the radio on, I sit next to a fellow co-worker and friend in the passenger seat. It’s early in the morning, and the conversation is light. A song reminds me of Jesse, my deceased son, so I tell a story about Jesse. A cloud of silence and dread fills the car. My friend shifts his position, and I can feel how uncomfortable he is. I swallow the memories of Jesse and switch the conversation to last night’s ball game. Sound familiar? It’s painful to your friends to hear about your deceased child, and it’s painful for you to silence your memories, too.

Certain studies claim that women are social beings and are more able to communicate their emotions than are men. The same studies state that men are mostly competitive and tend to hide their negative emotions, such as sadness or grief, especially from other men.

Does that mean that men have less need to deal with their emotions? I don’t think so. From personal experiences and experiences of other men whom I have known, grief is one emotion that demands relief. Without grief recovery, grief can become a destructive force that at some point can consume you—your physical as well as your mental and spiritual health.

Bereavement support groups remind us that we need not walk alone. From a man’s viewpoint, I think our support group’s monthly gatherings offer an important avenue for men to work through the grief recovery process. Other doors are often shut to men who need to discuss their anger, guilt, sadness, and even happy memories concerning their deceased children. Let’s talk with and listen to each other.

–Jim Hobbs, Bereaved Parents of North Texas