Magical Thinking

by Andy McNiel

Didn’t you love playing hide and seek as a child? I know I did. We had a huge front and back yard, with woods on one side of the house and an open field with scattered trees on the other side. I remember hiding in bushes, behind trees or laying flat in the brush of the field. Anytime the person who was “it” would come close to me, I would shallow my breathing and close my eyes. I used to imagine that I was invisible, and believed that just like I couldn’t see them with my eyes closed, they couldn’t see me. Sometimes they would walk right beside me without seeing me, other times I would be found, tagged and declared “it!” Imagine that, believing that if I thought about it hard enough, I would become invisible. We call this magical thinking and it is a common experience among all of us when we are children. Yet, quite often we hold beliefs as adults that can be categorized “magical thinking” as well.

A great example of how magical thinking can continue to impact our lives as adults can be found in the book by Rhonda Byrne, The Secret. “The secret” as revealed by the book is found in the law of attraction, that whatever you think about is what you will be attracted to and what will be attracted to you. In other words, picture yourself being wealthy and successful and you will be. While it certainly is helpful to think positive thoughts and even visualize yourself in a better place than you might currently be, there is nothing magical about these thoughts to bring a better place into being. Positive thinking does not assure for us a positive outcome. Thoughts can certainly open up ideas, possibilities and goals, but it is up to you and me to make the choices necessary to bring about these things.

The truth is that there are no guarantees in life that will insure your success as a parent, in your work life, as a friend and certainly not one that will exempt you from pain and suffering. Further, magical thinking ignores pain and suffering in life and leaves several unanswered questions. What do we do with bereaved people? How do we respond to poverty? Hunger? AIDS? Cancer? And the list goes on. Are these things the result of negative thinking? Did these people magically bring these things upon themselves? This is certainly what is implied. The danger is that magical thinking can ultimately lead to blaming ourselves for the troubles that have visited us, even when we had nothing to do with it. Grief is already difficult enough without self-defeating, magical thinking that places unfounded blame on us for the tragic events in our lives.

Believing that every thing that comes into your life is a result of your own thoughts works fine if you are rich, successful, disease free, living with all your loved ones and pain free. But, it breaks down when tragedy strikes and a loved one dies leaving us feeling sad, angry, confused and guilty. In reality, the death of a loved one is not bad kharma, negative thinking, punishment from on high or other magical thoughts, but it is a natural part of life that happens no matter our socio-economic status, religious persuasion, personality, race or creed.

Now, that being said, our thoughts do matter, as well as our choices each day. In order to go to the moon, we first had to believe we could go to the moon. However, it was not belief alone that made this a reality. We had to introduce science into this dream to make it happen and after years of hard work, failure and perseverance, we finally turned this belief into truth. The fact is that hope, healing, goodness and fulfillment are not the guaranteed outcomes of positive thoughts, but they are more likely outcomes if we believe they are possible and make choices to move in those directions. Perhaps you are holding on to “magical thoughts,” blaming yourself for the pain in your life, when, indeed, you are not to blame at all, or perhaps you are waiting on life to get better, thinking as positive as you can, but finding no peace in that.

If so, remind yourself that your personal choices, actions or inaction and the personal choices, actions or inactions of others are what bring about the events in your life, and that these are only influenced by our thoughts, not magical results of the same. So, here are some questions to consider as you seek a better understanding of your situation: What choices or actions do you need to accept responsibility for? What blame do you need to let go of that is the result of “magical thinking”, rather than grounded in reality? What choices can you make or actions can you take to bring about hope and meaning into your life?