Magical Thinking

by Andy McNiel

Didn’t you love playing hide and seek as a child? I know I did. We had a huge front and back yard, with woods on one side of the house and an open field with scattered trees on the other side. I remember hiding in bushes, behind trees or laying flat in the brush of the field. Anytime the person who was “it” would come close to me, I would shallow my breathing and close my eyes. I used to imagine that I was invisible, and believed that just like I couldn’t see them with my eyes closed, they couldn’t see me. Sometimes they would walk right beside me without seeing me, other times I would be found, tagged and declared “it!” Imagine that, believing that if I thought about it hard enough, I would become invisible. We call this magical thinking and it is a common experience among all of us when we are children. Yet, quite often we hold beliefs as adults that can be categorized “magical thinking” as well.

Time Heals All Wounds

by Robert Smith

We’ve all heard it. From our first broken heart, we have been told this one truth of the universe. “Don’t worry, time heals all wounds.” I am sure each of you, no matter where you are on your grief journey, has already been told this same thing. It is therefore with great reluctance that I must bring you bad news… Time heals nothing. Don’t get me wrong, Time is of utmost importance. Time is necessary in all healing, the problem is Time is not sufficient. The way it has always been told, if I have a broken heart, all I must do in order to get better is just wait. If I wait long enough, something magical will happen and Time will take away all of my sadness. How many of you have been waiting?

A Future Forever Changed

by Stephanie Elson

The death of a child is like no other loss a person can experience. Often for bereaved parents, others around them may try to sympathize with a bereaved parent’s pain by comparing it to the loss of a parent, a friend or a spouse. Certainly, those losses are all painful, but they are still quite different from the death of a child.

For That I Am Thankful

It doesn’t seem to get any better, but it doesn’t get any worse either, for that I am thankful.

There are no more pictures to be taken, but there are memories to be cherished, for that I am thankful.

There is a missing chair at the table, but the circle of family gathers close, for that I am thankful.

The days are shorter, but the nights are softer, for that I am thankful.

The pain is still there, but it lasts only moments, for that I am thankful.

The calendar still turns, the holidays still appear, but the spirit remains, for that I am thankful.

The room is still empty, the soul still aches, but the heart remembers, for that I am thankful.

The name is still missing, the words still unspoken, but the silence is shared, for that I am thankful.

The snow still falls, the sled still waits, and the spirit still wants to, for that I am thankful.

The stillness remains, but the sadness is smaller, for that I am thankful.

The moment is gone, but the love is forever, for that I am thankful, for that I am blessed, for that I am grateful.

Love was once and still is a part of my being, for that I am living, and for that I am thankful.

The above is from The Compassionate Friends (Apple Valley MN chapter) newsletter, November, 1994 and was posted to alt.support.grief just before Thanksgiving Day. The author is unknown. It reminds us to acknowledge our loss, but to face forward with a grateful heart. I hope you find it helpful.

After a Suicide: Finding Our Way

by Rev. Alice Parsons Zulli, CGC

No human being can ever be prepared for the shock of the suicide of someone loved. The initial damage causes treacherous degrees of confusion; but over time, when one is able to step back and survey the damage, one sees that the devastation of suicide is greater than first anticipated. Life is forever changed. There is no going back and there are no quick fixes for what is ahead. There are no easy answers. Suicide is a knockout punch!

A Father Speaks

From Bereaved Parents of North Texas Website

Driving to work with the radio on, I sit next to a fellow co-worker and friend in the passenger seat. It’s early in the morning, and the conversation is light. A song reminds me of Jesse, my deceased son, so I tell a story about Jesse. A cloud of silence and dread fills the car. My friend shifts his position, and I can feel how uncomfortable he is. I swallow the memories of Jesse and switch the conversation to last night’s ball game. Sound familiar? It’s painful to your friends to hear about your deceased child, and it’s painful for you to silence your memories, too.

A Solitary Journey

Grief is a solitary journey. No one but you knows how great the hurt is. No one but you can know the gaping hole left in your life when someone you know has died. And no one but you can mourn the silence that was once filled with laughter and song. It is the nature of love and of death to touch every person in a totally unique way. Comfort comes from knowing that people have made the same journey. And solace comes from understanding how others have learned to sing again.

– –Helen Steiner Rice

Adjusting Our Rudders

A “clock is a sacrament of the passage of time, a way to note the movement of one day into the next, a method of location in the otherwise uncharted ocean whose two horizons are the past and the future.” This is how John Carroll of the Boston Globe refers to time in a recent column. Carroll then and very importantly adds a caution. He notes “Mariners are fond of saying, especially when the ship unexpectedly runs aground, that the chart is not the sea; similarly, the clock is not time.”

What Has Helped You?

Let’s make this Blog an interactive tool for Bereaved Parents! Please post a comment on what has helped you and/or what advice you might share with those just beginning their grief journey. Click the following link to leave a comment.

Book Review: Ron’s Story

Reviewed by: Dusty Lavorn, Amelia Center Intern

Throughout life we are all forced to face events in which we struggle to find meaning in. There are many times in an individual’s life where he or she questions “why me” or “why my family.” Generally it is very hard to provide answers to these questions and the reality is many times these questions may never be answered. We are then forced to make the decision of how to move forward in the journey that is life without knowing the answers to the many questions we may have.